For those of us that are self-employed, client relationships often feel personal because our creative energy is personal. When that relationship ends poorly, or when our work is erased, the pain is a complicated blend of professional injustice and personal betrayal. I was doing some creative work, and realized that something I had put heart and soul into creating for a client, something with my creative energy, my skill, and my care, was no longer showcasing anything about my support and efforts. Having someone else take credit for a design you built is not neutral, it’s an erasure of you. How many of us have dealt with these sort of issues after the end of a client relationship, or a personal relationship. Truth be told, many times these are both in the same. For those of us healing from years spent in environments where our contributions were minimized, overlooked, or used, this kind of invisibilizing cuts right into that old wound.
The truth is that these sorts of things are tangled with betrayal, and for those unraveling from relationships, like divorce, there are often deeper wounds. In this case the opposing attorney in my dissolution was weaponizing people against me, an created politically charged relationships that left me vulnerable. This choice doesn’t just feel like dishonesty. It echoes that old rupture where people stepped away from to avoid conflict, or sided with power to protect themselves.
I want you to remember after the facts all the places where you did real work. If people don't meet you with the same integrity that does not mean you were naïve, it means you have a standard of ethic they simply didn’t uphold. Honor your emotions. Those emotions are your nervous system saying something mattered to you and that you recognize that you deserved better. It’s not petty or dramatic. It’s a boundary telling you that you have value.
Here are ways to work through that overlap and protect your future self: 1. Process the Pain: Separating the People from the Principle Your pain is valid, and it's essential to honor it without letting it define your future actions. Try to name two hurts and to identify the separate components of your reaction. In this case first there was the professional injury. This is the violation of a contract, an ethic, or a professional standard (e.g., "My design was used without credit, which violates my copyright/professional standard."). Second was the personal wound. This is the emotional echo from my past (e.g., "This feels like when my family minimized my voice."). In this case I could address the professional injury using professional means (e.g., legal review, contract adjustment). Rather, I am choosing to acknowledge the personal wound with self-compassion. You can do this through journaling or speaking to a therapist, so you can soothe the old hurt without letting it dictate your reaction to the new one. The Integrity Reset we already shared.... “If people don't meet you with the same integrity that does not mean you were naïve, it means you have a standard of ethic they simply didn’t uphold.” Internalize this. Your high standard is a strength, not a weakness. When you encounter low integrity, it’s not an invitation to lower yours; it's a clear signal to exit and defend where necessary. 2. Implement Proactive Boundaries in the future with contractual and creative armor.
For self-employed people, boundaries must be written into the foundation of the relationship. The Non-Neutral Contract is a way to ensure your client contracts are explicit about ownership and usage. Use strong, clear language that covers the "what ifs" specifically, what happens to your creative assets if the project is terminated early, the client pivots, or the relationship sours. You can include a clause stating that full ownership and usage rights are contingent upon the final, complete payment and adherence to agreed-upon attribution/licensing terms. If they breach the contract (like using your work without credit), their right to use the work is immediately revoked. As well, do a value check before you work with a client. Before agreeing to a project, especially one that requires your "heart and soul," ask yourself: "Does the business value of this relationship match the emotional investment I am planning to make?" If the business value is low, pull back your emotional investment. This helps prevent the overlap from becoming a deep entanglement. 3. Reclaim Your Narrative by cementing your contributions.
Erasure is only possible if you allow the narrative of your contribution to be controlled solely by the other party. First off, remember that documentation is your defense. Keep detailed, accessible records of your work and not just the final deliverable, but the process. Save the initial concepts, the development notes, the client feedback, and the time logs. This creates an undeniable paper trail that proves your effort, skill, and care. You are your own best witness. For each client create a legacy file. For every project where you poured your energy, create an internal "Win File." This is where you document what you learned, the skills you demonstrated, and the creative effort you made. When someone attempts erasure, you don’t need to fight them for credit; you can retreat to your file and quietly remind yourself: "I know what I built. The skill lives in me, not in their recognition." Your value is intrinsic, not attributed. Remember this, being self-driven is about owning your journey. When others try to steal your credit or diminish your worth, it’s an attempt to steal your power. By honoring your emotions, setting clear boundaries, and rigorously documenting your excellence, you ensure that your efforts and integrity can never be erased.
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